"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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