I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
pop tarts are not kleenex
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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