He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
