We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
