Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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