Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
