I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
