this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
