I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you have to choose: penises or morals?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
