Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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