you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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