worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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