Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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