8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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