imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
