how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
