There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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