I am spending my child support on dildos
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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