I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
