i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
