I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
