What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
