how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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