and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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