I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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