apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
