I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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