I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
