you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
