i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
