Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
