she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
