She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
