who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
