He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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