i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
