i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
