I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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