***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
