After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
