Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Drunk is not a location!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
