You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
