wanna go halves on a baby?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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