OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
