The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
