i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
