3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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