I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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