I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
