pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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