I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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